I guess stuff’s alright w/Steve&me now…duno for a fact
tho…nothing much has been happening anyways and April’s coming soon
*thank god!* and our aniversary’s coming fast…I’m gonna have to do
something for it tho…I can’t let it just go by…then again i
could…wouldn’t make much differnce to him
ugh…i’ve been eating a lot lately and my tummy hurts…figures…i
let Steve *KY Steve* see my pic…actually 3rd grade pic but w/e it’s
still me…i duno if he saw it and if not that’ll be a good thing i
guess… stuff’s really starting to suck
though liiiiiiike Steven never sez i luv u or anything anymore and…i
just don’t feel the same stuff anymore…when he duz say he luvs me
it’s kinda quick and realy quiet…eventually i’m gonna have to let him
go but for now i just wana hold’em…just till stuff’ll even out…i
told him bout what’d happen if we’d break up and i think that’s the
only reason why i’m still his girlfriend at this point…

on the 8th i broke up w/Steve…it only lasted about 2 minutes but I
still did…it happened in the cafeteria…see first i wuz sittin next
to Steve and he wuz actin all mean and crap and he told me to push over
so i did…well i got a lil pissed over that but i let it go next after
Devin went to get food he came back and i wuz sittin there and i wuz
lookin over at Steve (same as usual ) and
he shot me a dirty look and he insulted me and we did it back and forth
for a couple seconds and then it stopped and I was sittin there and I
wuz trying to figure out why he was so pissy to me and I’d got so mad
while I was thinking about it because I’d figured out that he was
pissed for no reason (again) and I got really worried that he was
really mad at me and I got real sad cause he can Devin started gettin
all pissed at me again and it stopped and at that point I was ready to
cry and Nicole had asked me what’s wrong and I told Steve to fuck off
and it’s over and he didn’t say/do anything
at first and I sat there pissed and kinda sad too and like 5 minutes
later he poked me and asked me if I’d forgive him and he held his hand
out and I said yeah and I grabbed his hand and we punched Devin and
that was that...

the half day wasn’t to great either…it was so freaking cold! I had to
put my fingers in my mouth to thaw them so I could dial my cell and
when I went to kiss Steve his cheek was really cold and my nose felt
warmth *i forgot to turn my head and my nose ended up in his cheek to*
and he kissed me back kuz i lended him a dollar and Devin lended him 2
and he got a CD and  it was so cold I could barely feel him kiss
me it was so cold! brr! after in my
grandma’s cellar we were talking and I’d told him bout me crying after
the dance kuz i tawt he hated me or he was mad a couple days earlier
and he was gettin kinda mad because Devin knew before Steve did and he
was mad…we did havce fun tho

Steve&i were supposed to go see Robots this weekend but yesterday
I’d asked him if he was still into it and he sed no…I’d asked him
again at the end of the day and he sed no again and he looked
kinda…like half mad half sad when he was around me but he was fine
with everyone else. i think he’s sick of me already…i feel so bad and
i haven’t talked to him since friday and i’m kinda worried…

I just made this like two minutes ago…I can’t think of a name or even a real purpose for it…What do you think? 🙂

No matter what you say I’m yours
No matter what I’d say you were mine from that April day on
No excuses for what’s been done between us
Take it like a man and move on
If you love me you won’t just leave me and storm off
I love you and I won’t just leave you like that
For every side of me every side of you there’s beauty underneith
Forever together in soul and mind
Over years we may separate but this I know is true
All I can do for you is what I do
No matter what happens you’ll get your chance to redeem yourself
No matter what it’s gonna happen like that
That’s how I play you stand right now as half out the door
You may kiss me as much as you want
You still hurt me and until you say sorry that’s where you’re gonna stay
Never again will I try this again the way I did
At first you didn’t care it was a friend that made you make up with me
I was happy at first but now I realize
You really don’t love me and you really never have
I was used as a sheild from your ex and now that’s over
No matter what I’d said no matter what you’ve said
I’ve laid my cards on the table that’s how it’s gonna go
Now it’s your chance to turn it by yourself
Show me your hand and tell me how you’re gonna work it
Don’t let me be the last to know how it’s gonna go…

I might write this out for Steve but i might clean it up a bit and just
put what I need to in there…if I lay this on him now I know it’s
gonna break his heart so I might as well clip some stuff out…I really
don’t want to hurt him and when we broke up it looked lik he was gonna
cry…his eyes were kind of bluey and wet…(more than usual) and if
that did what I thought it did when I tell him this it’ll tear’em
apart… I really don’t want to hurt my
baby…I love him still and I don’t wana screw things up any more than
I already have..but I do know this…I brought it myself…I’m not
gonna crack under the presure…